Monday, January 27, 2020

Life is short 💔

Yesterday we lost a GOAT a real legend someone we all knew of. If you’re a late 80s and 90s Baby then we grew up as Kobe being our basketball star. I always heard of Jordan but as a child and teenager I was able to see Kobe. Unfortunately his life was cut short at the age of 41. I’m personally not a stranger to seeing how life can be cut short at any time. My father was 43 when he died. However when these deaths come and hit us in our guts. After we’ve cried and questioned God’s decision, I think it’s time for us to reflect. When I heard of the news I was sad as a fan because he was a dope basketball player but I mourned as a mother and daughter. I thought back to losing my father at the age of 13 and all the amazing things he missed and all the memories we hadn’t yet made. Then I looked at my babygirl only five years old and thinks of me as her world and I thought what my loss would do to her and what we she remember about me. Would she remember my Cleo cornrows after I snatched off my wig after a long day at work, would she remember our trips to McDonald’s when I don’t feel like cooking, would she remember the millions of times we watched Frozen, or the trips to Disney? Would those memories be enough? Everyday I think of all my adventures with my dad but I still crave more so would she feel that emptiness that I feel. Then last and the most hurtful I thought what if I lost my baby. My saving grace, the second true love of my life after my father, the only person in this entire world that loves me unconditionally. She loves me with morning breath, loves me when I scold her, loves me when I pass gas, loves me with $1 or $100.  I quickly had to get that out of my mind or I’d be sobbing all night. However as all deaths do it gave me a different type of feeling. A feeling like damn I’m still here. A motivation, a calm feeling, a thankful feeling. Right after I got that new from horrid ass TMZ I was still able to walk over to my daughter (who was eating chocolate) and hug and kiss her. I don’t wake up everyday thankful to be here. Some days I’m managing my depression or anxiety, I’m thinking about bills, annoyed with work, going through relationship drama, or whatever but this morning I woke up thankful. This morning I realized that for one I need to (corny quote coming) but “seize each day“. Value each kiss I can give to my little ones and remind those around me that I love them. Honestly this didn’t just hit me this just was a reinforcer. It hit me last month when I randomly felt the urge to call my grandmother. I hadn’t seen her in months and I thought I’d take her to lunch. While we were out I noticed how long she had lived and how to me that time went by so fast. She still thought I was in my early 20s and here I am pushing 30. She was telling me how it seemed like yesterday I was a chunky ass little girl eating my favorite (field peas and okra (made by her) in her kitchen. Life is so precious we think we’ll all see 70 or 80 but in reality every day we get closer to death and for some of us death isn’t far off. I say this to say tell your folks you love them. Mend old beefs. Apologize if you were wrong and stop trying to always be right. Stop being the moral police and instead of judging just love in folks. Spend more time with your kids then you do in the streets with your friends. Take these kids out cause sitting at home is not the only mode of quality time. Kids deserve family vacations and get aways. Last but not least  LIVE because a lot of us are just existing. I wanna live a life that when I close my eyes and see it flash before me I can smile and when my friends and family mourn me they can smile because they knew when I left here I was happy and loved. I love you all and please keep all the families of all the victims in your prayers.......and also screw TMZ!!

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