Friday, March 6, 2020

Six dates and a wedding

So remember when I told y’all I was wilding out after my divorce? Well 2015 to 2017 were some really wild but very fun times in my life. This is about to be one of those stories. So a new soldier came into our office right. Little cocky PFC with a cocky group of friends he had. Well y’all know me and my mouth so for the longest me and one of his little friends had a whole cat and mouse thing going. I would tell him how he couldn’t handle me and I’d never let his young ass even sniff my drawers and then he’d tell me he’d wear me out and have me sprung. Now at the time I was ummm keeping company with another man but we were frequently on and off. At this moment we were off or maybe we were on and I just have no fucks but eventually after cat and mouse for weeks the young bull asked me out on a date. So my coworker (his little BFF) swore up and down that he’d smash on the first date and have me sprung. So before we even went on date one I let him know he can’t even come to my house until six dates. So for our first date homie took me to the movies and dinner. Vibe was nice af because we both were kind of the same people. Both cocky, witty, and goofy so the whole night we just playing and laughing. So I’m thinking the night over until my coworker hit him up like why don’t we double date and go to breakfast . Dead ass we went to breakfast the next morning  so dude is like okay this is date two. So I’m like fine because I knew his little cheap broke ass couldn’t make it to six. This was a time in my life where I was very high maintenance and very shallow. For me to even be entertaining him was shocking.  Anyways we go to breakfast and again have a great time so then these nights like well let’s go do laser tagging. So dude is like yep date three. I love laser tagging and all things free so I said let’s do it. Then we went to dinner again. The next morning breakfast and that afternoon go carts and dinner again. So he technically made it to his six dates but I was stuck up so I still sent his ass home. Well his friend (my coworker) called me and told me I was being cold hearted and mean so I was like what the hell I’m horny anyways so I called him back. Sex was actually pretty decent. After we had sex he was practically at my place everyday. If he wasn’t at my place I was all in his barracks room. I’m talking quickies during lunch. Quickies in the shower after PT.....all dat. Now let me back track real quick with an anecdote. So homie had a baby I think the little girl was almost one. So his relationship with his baby mama was supposedly toxic like one day he was at my place (before we started talking) on the phone arguing back and forth with her. So look when I date a guy as long as I know he’s taking care of his child I typically don’t interfere in baby mama drama plus I didn’t see homie as a boyfriend or a husband sooo what’s the point of me trying to be a mediator. Anyways the whole time we laying up and going on dates and screwing I promise y’all this man was never on the phone like that. Well one day he was busy at work and so was I so we had a quickie after work and then that was it. Well I get home I’m relaxing in bed and my best friend is blowing me up so as soon as I answer bitch don’t even say hello her first statement is “ummm who’s that baby on our coworkers snap” so I go look at his snap and can’t see anything. So my friend drives 15 minutes to my place to show me this damn snap. I look and low and behold it definitely looks like young bulls baby and his baby mama in the background at some apartment. So me being me I call him and try to figure out what’s up. Actually wrong I call him snapping because my toxic trait is I assume first and fly tf off the handle. So we’re going back and forth my coworker is like we’re coming to your place to settle this. Homie claims BM is here to just let him see his child and if he was with her why would he be on the phone fighting for me to believe him. So the arguing is lowkey turning me on (another toxic bitch trait I have) so next thing I know well we’re having sex. Real good sex too. So the next day I’m minding my business and I decide to stalk this man’s social media. Y’all I end up on his baby mama’s page and literally 10 minutes before these folks done got married. So I’m like wtf this man really pulled a fast one on me. So I’m petty and I’m a snitch so I politely hit the BM up and let her know what’s been going on. Y’all this is the reason why I don’t help females out anymore. Sis get mad at me. Basically I became the hoe that stalked and trapped her innocent fiancé. So then I’m feeling real petty so I go on sis page and post a picture of me and her man in bed the day before their wedding. Sorry not sorry. She calls me telling me how she’s coming to beat my ass cause she knows where I live. I politely slid up the Hooters shorts that her man bought to see me model and I sat on the steps waiting on her to pull up.....y’all she still haven’t came but umm yeah real crazy time. Luckily or maybe luckily I think they’re still together and on their third child. Looking back though I see why she stayed cause she had nothing going on and to her I know that BAH and Tricare was looking real good. Still that was a real fun month in my life. 

Monday, January 27, 2020

Life is short 💔

Yesterday we lost a GOAT a real legend someone we all knew of. If you’re a late 80s and 90s Baby then we grew up as Kobe being our basketball star. I always heard of Jordan but as a child and teenager I was able to see Kobe. Unfortunately his life was cut short at the age of 41. I’m personally not a stranger to seeing how life can be cut short at any time. My father was 43 when he died. However when these deaths come and hit us in our guts. After we’ve cried and questioned God’s decision, I think it’s time for us to reflect. When I heard of the news I was sad as a fan because he was a dope basketball player but I mourned as a mother and daughter. I thought back to losing my father at the age of 13 and all the amazing things he missed and all the memories we hadn’t yet made. Then I looked at my babygirl only five years old and thinks of me as her world and I thought what my loss would do to her and what we she remember about me. Would she remember my Cleo cornrows after I snatched off my wig after a long day at work, would she remember our trips to McDonald’s when I don’t feel like cooking, would she remember the millions of times we watched Frozen, or the trips to Disney? Would those memories be enough? Everyday I think of all my adventures with my dad but I still crave more so would she feel that emptiness that I feel. Then last and the most hurtful I thought what if I lost my baby. My saving grace, the second true love of my life after my father, the only person in this entire world that loves me unconditionally. She loves me with morning breath, loves me when I scold her, loves me when I pass gas, loves me with $1 or $100.  I quickly had to get that out of my mind or I’d be sobbing all night. However as all deaths do it gave me a different type of feeling. A feeling like damn I’m still here. A motivation, a calm feeling, a thankful feeling. Right after I got that new from horrid ass TMZ I was still able to walk over to my daughter (who was eating chocolate) and hug and kiss her. I don’t wake up everyday thankful to be here. Some days I’m managing my depression or anxiety, I’m thinking about bills, annoyed with work, going through relationship drama, or whatever but this morning I woke up thankful. This morning I realized that for one I need to (corny quote coming) but “seize each day“. Value each kiss I can give to my little ones and remind those around me that I love them. Honestly this didn’t just hit me this just was a reinforcer. It hit me last month when I randomly felt the urge to call my grandmother. I hadn’t seen her in months and I thought I’d take her to lunch. While we were out I noticed how long she had lived and how to me that time went by so fast. She still thought I was in my early 20s and here I am pushing 30. She was telling me how it seemed like yesterday I was a chunky ass little girl eating my favorite (field peas and okra (made by her) in her kitchen. Life is so precious we think we’ll all see 70 or 80 but in reality every day we get closer to death and for some of us death isn’t far off. I say this to say tell your folks you love them. Mend old beefs. Apologize if you were wrong and stop trying to always be right. Stop being the moral police and instead of judging just love in folks. Spend more time with your kids then you do in the streets with your friends. Take these kids out cause sitting at home is not the only mode of quality time. Kids deserve family vacations and get aways. Last but not least  LIVE because a lot of us are just existing. I wanna live a life that when I close my eyes and see it flash before me I can smile and when my friends and family mourn me they can smile because they knew when I left here I was happy and loved. I love you all and please keep all the families of all the victims in your prayers.......and also screw TMZ!!

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Don’t let me stay in a toxic place

So unless you live under a rock or have sworn off technology then I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the news about Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. A few years back they fell in love got married and she follows him back to his kingdom or his grandmother’s kingdom to live happily ever after. Well during their time over their Meghan has been treated poorly by the press, citizens, and even though I’m not 100% sure my spirit is telling me that her in laws were nasty to her as well. So last week her and her husband announced that they were taking a break from the royal life and will only be in Kensington Palace and the UK half the time. Listen all I have to say about this is ENERGY. To have someone you love or are in a relationship with value your mental health and well-being over a job or title is one of the most amazing things you can have. I’ve seen people come for his neck about his decision to potentially have issues with his family and lose his title but that is his WIFE. I don’t know if you all remember but his mother went through the same thing except her husband never offered her an escape route and ultimately it resulted in her death. Now that I’m older I realize having peace and being at peace is worth more than gold. Now I’m not saying money and benefits are import but check this out. In the first quarter of 2019 from January to March 90 active duty service members committed suicide. That’s in only three months. Mind you the military offers decent pay and great benefits but guess what those people still weren’t at peace and it cost them their life. When someone tells you they’re in a toxic situation and they aren’t happy and they’re your spouse or someone you claim to love (could just be friends or family) support their decision. I literally just had this conversation with my boyfriend about how I have to get out the Army I’m not happy anymore and I was so relieved when he didn’t try to talk me out and supported me if that’s what I was passionate about. I was relieved however because everyone else around me stresses staying in for a check and retirement in 20 years. So fuck my mental health right 🙄. Like I said I get how important finances are and being financially stable and having money is but I’ve also been in such a depressed and dark state of mind to where I thought my only option was death. I’d never want to be so deep in toxic situations that I feel that way again especially when I have a five year old daughter that would suffer because of it. So Harry has my upmost respect. I see so many people bashing him and tearing him down because he’s looking out for the betterment of his life. If you really love someone you’ll always  consider their mental and emotional state when making moves. Especially when you have a child or children together. Your children definitely pick up on the negative energy coursing though their household as they grow up. They see when mom and dad or off. They can tell when something is going on. Earlier this year I took Harmony (my daughter) to one of my therapy sessions. My therapist asked me if I thought Harmony could notice when I’m going through trials and tribulations, as a defensive mom I of course said hell no but then he asked Harmony a few questions and she started pointing out times when I was stressed or when I was off and I was like damn this shit is real. So yes if you love the people around you and you see they’re in a toxic position then pull them out. There’s nothing cute or fun about feeling mentally or emotionally drained. I saw a post on Twitter that was praising Aaron Hernandez’ fiancé for being his ride or die during his trial and then someone retweeted it and said he shouldn’t have put her in that position in the first place and listen y’all I could’ve got up and did a praise dance. Don’t get me wrong I’m gonna ride for my man but again the position he put her in and the mind frame was emotionally and mentally toxic and she had a child on top of it. So yes I’ll say it Prince Harry is goals and Meghan owes him the most unconditional love for the sacrifice he made for her well-being!

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Things to leave in the last decade....Part 1

Well good morning my love bugs. This is the first blog of 2020. Now it’s barely over a week in and 2020 has gotten off to a crazy start. There has been so much political wise that I’ve wanted to really speak on in this blog but surprisingly I’ve held my tongue. However now that we are in a new decade  I’ve decided I’ll start a new segment. This new segment will be about shit y’all should leave back in the 10s. Today I wanna start off with leaving cowardice in the 10s. Now listen I’ll keep it real. I was not always this upfront l, courageous, honest woman you guys know now. There was definitely a time in my life when I was a coward and I’d probably throw a stone and hide my hand. I’d also like to remind you that I was a damn teenager during this time and hadn’t found my voice. However as most of us are in our 20s and 30s please stop. Listen in everything I do I’m (how do the youngsters say it?) “ten toes down” about it. If I said it oh well, if I was wrong I’ll apologize, if I was being shady I’ll say it, if it was messy I’ll stand by the mess I created. That’s part of being an adult though. I know for a fact I’m not always right and I’ve definitely done my share of dirt but if it just so happens that a judgement day comes and my personal life is playing on the screen a strong 80% of the things I did I’ll be confident in letting it be seen.....the other 20% are very much S&M related and I’d prefer the good Lord skip over those parts. Some of y’all though are 20/30 and still in that coward teenage mindset. Let’s leave that in the 10s. If you’re scary don’t part your lips to talk about anyone or stir up any mess. I feel like social media and just general disconnect from human contact allows people to feel as if they are courageous but yet still be a coward. Now listen I’m not saying no one can gossip because truth be told we all gossip either we spreading the tea or sipping it. However you have to stand in your truth when it catches up to you. There’s been so many people over this past year who have said little things about me and think I don’t know but lord knows if I asked them they would shit a brick. The other day at work this girl came up to me woman to woman and the shit threw me off guard no lie. Anyways sis came up to me to let me know she got caught up in some drama of which someone was bashing me and she joined in. Listen that’s the shit I’m here for. Like my best friend used to say “be bout that shit you bark”. I respect that girl so much more than any else who was involved that talked about me then got up and came to smile in my face. That shit is dead to me and the biggest place I’ve seen it is in the ARMY. If there’s a particular group of females that I don’t like it would be friendly Army females. Let me give y’all a quick story and example of why. So when I was in Korea I had a small group of friends. It was three of us and then the three kinda became four. Well one of  us got a roommate and everyone wanted to welcome her with open arms. Of course by now y’all know I’m iffy so I was on edge but I kept warning my friends that she seemed off. Well she crossed me and I definitely stopped fucking with her. Well while we were still all friends it was two girls also in Korea that we definitely didn’t kick it with. One was this psychotic ass (no offense Haitian) that would literally be in the room doing voodoo and banging on her walls and floors and the other one was weird (like stealing folks clothes out the laundry weird). So of course as women do we talked our shit about them and swore we’d never fuck with them. One by one we all left Korea well when ol girl was left there by weak females do she ended up folding and becoming friends with the same females she dragged. That’s not even an isolated event I see this happen all the time. This is why I come off standoffish or I stick to myself. At the duty station I’m currently in I’ve only had three female friends one is a whole married woman the other is now in Germany and the other is a civilian I met through a friend I made online. Listen if I’m not with either of them I’m not stepping out cause I’ve seen these other females for who and what they are. We live in a generation of  people who are dying to fit in and dying to have friends and they do anything for that social status. I’ve seen females spread gossip or talk down on someone and their excuse for not approaching the person they have an issue with is because they are terrified of confrontation. No ma’am that’s not it at all because when I was a small child I was terrified of confrontation too but the difference is you couldn’t get me to part my lips about anyone or anything. See there’s a difference between being afraid of confrontation and stirring up mess. If you’re afraid of confrontation you don’t wanna be apart of no mess of drama. You walk around with your head down minding your own business and staying in your own lane. Y’all take this no confrontation as you can go around and talk shit and stir up mess and have people go at it and wash your hands of it but listen y’all have to be careful because eventually everything comes full circle. So for the remainder of 2020 do what you feel comfortable saying you did......did you catch that?

Six dates and a wedding

So remember when I told y’all I was wilding out after my divorce? Well 2015 to 2017 were some really wild but very fun times in my life. Th...