Saturday, October 12, 2019

I’m not relaxing shit

Damn y’all I honestly had no intentions of posting a blog today. I’m actually out in Orlando reuniting with one of my best friends and having a small getaway. Anyways I just woke up at 6 am from a nightmare and I woke up with this topic heavy on my heart. So let’s get into it. A couple weeks ago I was talking to a dude in my DMs (also s very good friend) and we were discussing relationship standards and I told him at this point in my like I want what I want and I’m not settling so he said something to the effect of don’t be too harsh and miss out on your blessing. I texted back yeah yeah but then I really sat there and thought about it and said fuck all that especially when it comes to dating men. Now when I say standards I’m not talking about I’m over here demanding a man who makes six figures or only drives foreign or no shit like that. Although I do appreciate men who spoil me I also have been doing for myself for awhile now so I got it covered. Plus you can’t expect those things from someone if you don’t have them. That goes for men too cause some of y’all get on social media and drag women for their appearance and forget that at the age of 26 your nose still runs, you still have bad acne, you can’t dress, and your dick little. So it trips me out when y’all describe these perfect women like she’d skip past all Tyson Beckfords in the world and come lay with yo dusty ashy ass. Anyways though when I say standards I mean emotionally. I noticed in this new generation men ride the “I’m hurt” wave to escape stepping up to the plate and being emotionally and mentally accountable in relationships. Like a nigga will be so hurt from the past but somehow those trash ass dicks work but I’m just saying. Ladies hold these men accountable and if you run into a man who can’t give you what you need bounce. I’m not a huge Evelyn Lozada fan but something she said stuck out to me “I know what I bring to the table so I’m not afraid to eat alone”. Check it out y’all let me tell you why emotionally and mentally i have standards that I will not relax. At the age of 18 I was sexually assaulted and later raped. I got the choice to say no taken from me because a man felt that his sexual urges overpowered my freedom to wear what I want and be free, he saw boobs and a butt and knew he had to have it no matter if I said no or stop. I got married at the age of 20 and got straight into cater mode. I got pregnant which was one of the most beautiful and difficult experiences I’ve ever had. During that pregnancy I was very depressed and scared. During that same pregnancy my husband cheated on me not once but twice. I wanted to leave but I was terrified of first what everyone would say about my perfect marriage falling apart and two I never dreamed of being a single mother. I remember going to this Pentecostal church crying dead ass crying about my marriage and one of the mothers in the church told me divorce was not an option. At this same time I’m occasionally getting slapped around or verbally abused. I remember one night our argument got so bad he told me I’d be a horrible mother and I wasn’t worth shit....I got slapped too but he brought home roses and I was young and didn’t know what my standards were so I stayed. I had my beautiful daughter and fell into post partum depression. My body changed completely my hormones were everywhere and all of a sudden I was responsible for this human. Harmony actually wasn’t a hard baby though just fat. I would say a month after giving birth I found out my husband cheated yet again . At a moment where I felt my most vulnerable my stomach was big and saggy I had stretch marks I never had before my boobs were leaking and I was getting cheated on.  Through the course of that marriage I got guns pulled on me I got hit on in public parking lots just all types of crazy shit. Fast forward to a couple relationships in the future. I started dating this guy he had several mental issues you know PTSD, Depression, and things of that nature. I know how it feels to be in those positions so I took upon myself to spoil and cater to him. Anything he want he got. I was getting off of work heading to his place cleaning, constantly bringing dinner. Oh you want your dick sucked oh let me do that right now. You want to fuck even though I’m tired naw it’s okay mount up. Still got cheated on. So check this out when I tell a man I want romance, I want honesty, I want effective communication, and so on I’m not relaxing a motherfucking thing. IDGAF. Cause if I acted like what I’d been through  I be the City Girls on ten. So ladies and damaged men too if y’all keep hearing folks tell y’all they can’t live up to your standards cut sling load. It’s 2019 and just like y’all call the City Girls our for scamming dudes physically when y’all purposely walk around pretending you can’t cater to your significant others emotional and mental needs you’re scamming them emotionally. It’s 2019 we’ve all been hurt and we’ve all been through some deep dark shit but y’all gotta stop using that as excuses to why you can’t step up and be a decent human being to people you love or fuck with. We complain about dating in this generation but refuse to hold ourselves accountable as to why it’s fucked up. Everyone walking on egg shells on some “I’ve been hurt so I’m gonna be this tough until you prove me wrong” naw that’s not how it works. Also you can’t negotiate normal relationship needs because you’re lazy or selfish. It’s really men out here like “I don’t cheat but I suck at communicating so I may not talk to you for a week or so” no sweetie that’s not a fair trade that’s like you asking me for 2K20 and I come home with Street Hoops 97 like well I still bought you a game. Naw that shit ain’t cool and it’s a lot of y’all with the game fucked up both men and women. However if you’re one of the few that know what you have to offer and know that you need your standards met take this time to heal and enjoy life. I look at my friends and happy and healthy relationships and I’m legit happy for them but I’m also extremely comfortable in my single season. I take myself out and I spoil myself. I’ve learned to be intimate with myself I use my alone time to pray over myself and better myself so when that person who can meet my standards comes I’m the best version of myself I can give. Anyways I gotta get dressed to go get coffee....Love y’all ❤️

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