Monday, August 26, 2019

Vindicated

Whew chile it’s been a rough five years dealing with Harmony’s father but today I was vindicated. So for those of you that don’t know me and Harmony’s father divorced when she was a little over one. We’ve been estranged since she was about 8 to 10 months. A day after our divorce was finalized he married his mistress who is partially to blame for our divorce. I say partially cause honestly it was so so much going on that one day I’ll tell in its entirety. Anyways when we were together I’d say my ex-husband was a good father. Now he wasn’t jumping out of the bed to do feedings or nothing but he was present and he loved Harmony. That all changed after him and his mistress became one. As we divorced even though we hated each other we agreed that on the behalf of Harmony we’d co-parent and do right by her. That never happened. Unfortunately Harmony hasn’t seen her father since her first birthday. They talk twice a year and he recently started sending her gifts for Christmas and her Birthday. It’s hard y’all like no cap being a single mother is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. For those of you who personally know me I probably walk around strong and tough as hell. Little do y’all know there’s nights where I cry myself to sleep. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, emotional just a lot. Motherhood especially single and doing it on your own is 24/7. There’s no sick days, ain’t nobody out here babysitting for free, ain’t nobody cashapping me for the extra-curricular activities, the clothes she either grows out of or rips, the field trips, the salon trips, or vacations. However I do this...y’all can say whatever about me but y’all can’t say I don’t rock this mom thing and put Harmony first. Anyways for Harmony’s Birthday in July her Paternal Grandmother sent her a gift. That was a first for me so being the bigger person I called her to tell her thank you. We spoke and she apologized on missing out on the first five years of Harmony’s life and promised she wanted to make some changes. Listen I’m all for mending fences and growth so I was with it. So over the weeks since then I’ve been sending her photos and videos of Harmony. I’ve told her about Harmony’s personality and little milestones in her life. We’ve just really been building a relationship. So I called her tonight so Harmony could tell her how school was going welll after she spoke with Harmony she wanted to talk to me. Pause. This is God because y’all know that scripture Psalms 7:8 The LORD judges the peoples; Vindicate me, O LORD, according to my righteousness and my integrity that is in me. That’s exactly what happened. I’ve been over here getting myself together and really trying to better myself and the lord is really turning things over in my favor. Anyways she gets on the phone and apologizes. See for years the father of my child and his mistress...I mean wife have went around saying that I was so bitter because I wanted him πŸ™„ and that I kept Harmony from him. Even with all my little receipts 🧾 the folks in his corner always thought it was me. Until now. Apparently Harmony’s grandmother has been trying to get in contact with me for years. She’s been trying to heal the disconnect between myself and Harmony’s father for years but someone *cough,cough* mistress err I mean wife had been working against it. Isn’t that crazy? Imagine being the type of woman who doesn’t want you to be around your flesh and blood because she feels threatened. Didn’t want my ex to get her gifts, didn’t want his mother to get her gifts. His mother told me she figured this out because when they reconnected after a year of not talking she kept asking about Harmony and he had no answers. πŸ—£STILL DON’T. His mother got on to him and said everything that I’ve been saying. She asked him how could he be this amazing stepfather and then neglect the child that came from him (excuse me I just got up to do a praise break and speak in tongues) she also told him she wouldn’t do for his other child (conceived during my marriage 🀧) and stepchild until he started working towards a better relationship with Harmony. So now the wife is mad because his mother is mentioning Harmony and asking for Harmony and saying me and him need to communicate meanwhile she’s pulling a Bambi (love and hip hop reference) saying if it isn’t broke don’t fix it.See this might not mean much to y’all but for years I’ve had to deal with the back and forth so to finally hear someone in his corner telling him what it is and sticking up for ME (opp another praise break....I’m shouting so hard my church mother wig about to come off) . See what men don’t know is just how it’s bitter baby mama’s it can be bitter wives. Out of his mothers mouth she spoke on how the new wife doesn’t want him around Harmony because she’s scared that how she got him is the same way she’s gonna lose him. Sweetie let that man step up to the plate for his child because I can promise you I don’t want him. Sis you’d be crazy to think I’m gonna give up what I have now to run back to him. Plus she been knew the real 🀧🀧 but that’s another story for another time.All this time it’s been Asia is bitter but I’m glad people can see that it isn’t me. However shout out to his mom because I held hatred for the whole family because he was neglecting Harmony but y’all she’s trying. Harmony has now spoken to her grandmother more in the past two months than she has to her dad in the past year. She’s calling, she’s texting, and she’s set up a date to meet. So we’ll see. I’m glad she’s gained another set of grandparents but I’m also glad that the truth is coming out. Love y’all ❤️

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Sisterhood

So I had no intention on posting a blog today. I’ve actually been waiting to post a blog about a book I’m reading...however, when God speaks to you.....LISTEN. So a girl I went to high school with started this group. Basically it’s a group of women who commit to a fast to better themselves and connect with God. We did one first before and this is our second go round. This second time we seem to be more engaged with each other and with that we have a weekly conference call. Tonight was the very first call and I honestly feel like my spirit and soul have been fed. One of the topics we spoke on tonight is why sisterhoods basically don’t exist. We all came up with a variety of reasons which got me to thinking. Women have strayed further and further from our cores and from loving and protecting each other. A lot of friendships out there are surface. We base friendships off of who’s gonna turn up with us...who’s our common enemy...who we think is cute...who we think might be on our level. Or we constantly think that we’re in some sort of competition when we all can win. We talk about each other, we judge each other, or we’re jealous of each other. Honestly think about your friendships right now. When is the last time you called to check up on your friend? When is the last time you lit some sage and incense and prayed on their behalf? When is the last time you sat around a group of women and poured your heart out and got the support you needed and unconditional love?We’re usually used to the let’s got clubbing or let’s go grab drinks or ggggiiirrrrllll did you hear about so and so....type friendships. As women individually we are so powerful but if we came together and supported each other we’d literally be unstoppable. I challenge you all to form a deeper connection with those that you refer to as friends. It’s so many women out here who need a solid good sisterhood. Reach out to your sisters and see what’s really going on with them. Not just the surface issues but the things they’re embarrassed or ashamed to speak on. When you’re seeking these sisterhoods be genuine about it too. When you hear of your girl’s struggle instead of repeating their downfalls, help them work through it. With everything going on in the world today you need a solid circle to really have your back. So that’s the goal for this week for me. I honestly want to create bonds that are deeply rooted and involved. This group is the first step to that. It had been awhile since I had been on the phone just having genuine conversations about each other. No gossiping about so and so or talking down on anyone I feel beneath me but honestly speaking on growth and uplifting. So my love bugs as we go into a new week I encourage you all to really build deeper connections within you group of friends that form into a sisterhood. Randomly make one of your prayer sessions about a friend. Do a sweet gesture towards a friend. Take them out to lunch. Babysit their kid so they can have some me time. Come over and help them clean or make dinner. Set up a gym or spa date. Just do something to let them know that you’re here and that you value them and want to uplift them. Love y’all ❤️

Sunday, August 18, 2019

Did Jay-Z sell out?

So unless you’ve been living under a rock I’m sure you’ve heard the news that Jay-Z has partnered up with the NFL.  His partnership has been met with the black community calling him a sell out because if y’all remember Kapernick was blacked balled by the NFL for initiating the kneeling protest. In case you didn’t know the protest was in response to the influx of unarmed African Americans being murdered by cops during what should be routine stops. So I myself stood for  what Kap was doing. I was tired of hearing about my unarmed brothers and sisters being apprehended and killed off rip because of our skin tone. Kap succeeded in his message because even though he pissed hella conservative white folks off, his protest open the door to the discussion of how African Americans are treated in this country. Now unpopular opinion but I feel like Jay-Z made the right move and let me tell you why. As I’ve said before we need more representation out there for us. If we want our kids to receive the same and better education we need black teachers teaching in our neighborhoods. If we want to stop getting murdered because our tail-light is out then we need more black cops patrolling our neighborhoods and so on. I’ve always said in order to make any changes we need to put our people in these positions of power. So I don’t blame Jay-Z at all. How are we gonna make change in the NFL if we don’t have a seat at the table? I mean think about it we work for the NFL but we don’t have anyone at the top. Name all the NFL team owners. Name other black artists that partner with the NFL or black companies. Y’all looking at this as a sell out but I’m looking like this is an opportunity for my people. Jay-Z just put himself in a position to speak on behalf of our community. If you think Jay-Z doesn’t care about this community then you’re sleep. For the past few years he’s really been about his people. His wife was the first black artist to promote part of our culture at Coachella which is one of the whitest festivals ever. I mean sis represented HBCUs to the fullest had Becky in the crowd shook because they never heard soul like that. Never seen a black band and black majorettes. My daughter watched it and listen she gets hype every time we rewatch it. Y’all if we want to make change in their world we gotta go above these protests and take action. Y’all mad at Jay-Z for signing with the NFL but name a small black business you promote outside of your family? Name black owned restaurants in your community? When is the last time you gave back to the black community? Volunteered your time to our youth? So get off y’all soapboxes because I know for a fact Jay-Z about to ride for us with this new position. Love y’all ❤️

Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Promote Education

Hey babes. It's been a hectic couple of weeks. I know across the south maybe everywhere that school is back in session. This is my first time having a school aged baby and whew chile it's a transition. So first of all shout out to all the parents who were hustling and shuffling trying to get everything right for the little ones. All the pictures of these amazing kids on their first day of school is making my heart warm because after all they are our future and they just look so adorable. With that being said this year I encourage all the parents out there to take an active role in your child's education. If you don't know I'm here to tell you that the government could give two craps about our kids and how they turn out. Hence how Betsy DeVos became the U.S. Secretary of education with absolutely no background in public education or little to no interest in better the public school system. A few weeks before school started I met this beautiful intelligent woman in the hair salon who gave me the run down about public schools. Not only was she a teacher but she has her masters in education and is raising three gifted children of her own. She gave me the ins and outs of schools and how our kids (especially black and brown) get treated if their parents aren't a fighting force behind their education. For instance standardized testing has been proven to be biased and isn't actually mandatory so if you've held your child back because they failed the states standardized testing you're actually holding back your child's progress. She explained to me how they handle children with different situations all the same. We like to label children as bad but are the bad or in distress. I made a vow that as soon as Harmony hit that school ground I would put her education above all else. Why? Because every generation is supposed to be last. I've done okay for myself but some of the issues or struggles I faced Harmony won't. I want her to know that getting her education and excelling at it is not an option. Everyday since she's come home from school we've been studying. I sit at the table with her and make her trace over words over and over until I know her hands are tired then next we're going over counting, and so on and so forth. Please don't depend on your child's sole education coming from the classroom because the government doesn't value educators anymore so educators look at teaching like a job. I went to school with plenty of men that I felt like were lowkey smart but they weren't getting that support and push from at home so they came to school acting out and guess what the teachers don't get paid enough to care so they don't and if I'm only making 25K to 30K a year I'm gonna have that same energy. So with that being said please force education and the importance of it on these babies. All the Nike shoes and Gucci belts and Bundles don't mean shit if we have these genius kids and we aren't pushing them to their full potential.It's hard but as parents this is what we signed up for and if you look at your baby in the face and don't want them to succeed then you should give that baby to someone who really cares. Yeah it means longer nights for you or sitting at the table frustrated shouting "IF TIMMY HAD THREE APPLES" but when they become something great it'll be worth it. I don't know what Harmony will be when she grows up but I know she'll be educated because from K through College I'm forcing that down her throat. So I'm praying for each and every child going to school this year and I'm speaking into existence that this generation will come so much harder than the last. We're producing doctors, lawyers, teachers, scientists, moguls, CEOs ,CFOs, writers, and so much more. Love y'all!

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Prep Work

Good Morning babes.....so it’s Sunday here and I’m doing my usual. I’m getting up to clean and do laundry (not fold), prep for the work week, prep Harmony for the school week, pack lunches and make dinner....ya know typical mom shit. Anyways I was thinking about progression. Often times we want something to take off immediately. I know that’s my vibe. I want everything to fall in place off rip and if it doesn’t then my ass got a whole attitude but today I want to give some encouraging words. For the rest of 2019 prep your life for what you want in 2020. In 2018 I walked into 2019 like “I want, I want, I want” and I did absolutely no prepping. However last night I was laying in bed already thinking of what 2020 brings and how I can prepare for it. By the end of 2020 I want to be finishing up my book, I want my credit score to be in the 800s (🀞🏾 THATS GONNA NEED A LOT OF MAN POWER) , I want to figure out where I’ll be settling down and finally buy my dream home and I want to be in a stable and committed relationship that’s constantly moving forward. What’s different from this year than last year is that we’ve been prepping. This time I know that the things that I want to achieve have to be manifested and the seed has to be planted and nurtured way in advance before I automatically think so shit is about to pop off. I’ve started the rough draft for my book and where I want it to go and the vibe I want it to have. I’ve been doing some serious budgeting and following all these credit advice tips to get my shit back poppin (word of advice ladies no matter how in love you are don’t let a nigga put shit in your name not even a piece of gum). I’ve just really been out here planting the seeds that I want to blossom in 2020 and I encourage you all to do the same. Self care and evaluation should be at an all time high. In these next few months make it about YOU and creating new goals and accomplishments. We should always be moving forward. That’s my Sunday tip and I’m praying for the success of each and everyone of you. I hope that whatever it is you want in 2020 you prep for it now and it blossoms into exactly what you wanted. In the meantime I’ll be over here in extra grind mode because I have like three different projects I’m trying to get poppin not to mention the man I’m oh so smitten over will be home at the beginning of the year and this is out opportunity to really take things to the next level. I slid that in there to let y’all know y’all might have a new e-niece or nephew in 2020 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.  Love y’all ❤️

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

A bit of FB drama πŸ₯΄πŸ₯΄πŸ₯΄

Okay so if you’re friends with me on Facebook you probably saw or heard about the drama on my page yesterday. However, if you missed it here I am today with the back story and my summary of how everything played out. Okay so I’m friends with this dude really good friends we tried a little romantic thing and had a little getaway months ago but umm it didn’t work out.....for various reasons. Anyways we still remained cool, actually we were pretty close I mean talking everyday and texting throughout the day. Discussing all types of different topics just real best friend type shit. He wanted more but it just really wasn’t in the cards but our vibe was really deep for real. Anyways let me get to how the drama started. So his baby mama doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like anyone female associated with him so before she ever met me I was always bitches and hoes and sluts. Yeah she’s one of those. So anyone who knows me knows I’m petty. On this part I will admit I was wrong I did address her first but it was honestly to have a real woman to woman conversation with her because the shit she does is next level bitter and I honestly don’t want to see other women go out like that plus as me and him talked everyday I got well acquainted with his son and I really got attached to him, so I hated that their toxic relationship was spilling over into him. So around July 4th we had our first altercation that was over pretty quickly after she tried to threaten me and I let her know baby you’d be better off slapping ya mama wig off than ever putting your hands on me. So fast forward to yesterday he sends me screenshots of her again calling me out my name. Not only that but she was upset I made a post about bitter baby mama’s on my blog (I guess the shoe fit πŸ₯΄). So me being my petty self I simply thanked her for viewing the blog because y’all know I appreciate and cherish every single view, like, and share. Well that fired her up so we go at it again. Now she says I bullied her son mind you I’ve only talked to him on the phone and we always have great interactions so she had me confused with some other woman. She’s still going off trying to diss me so y’all know me I got jokes and clapbacks for days. Well I guess my digs were too much for her because she took it upon herself to take a dig at my child. Yes five year old Harmony. Yes y’all e-niece. Yes the little girl that I’ll smile in my mugshot behind. Now this chick is in Florida so I can’t touch her but I’m fuming. Anyone who knows me knows I’m sensitive about my baby, I’m her first and only line of defense it’s just us so I’ll go to war with the whole damn world about that one. So I’m the type of person that you shouldn’t beef with because when I get turnt up I have no chill. My friend once described my actions to a group of folks and would basically say I’m a bear and when you tap a bear you don’t know what kind of reaction you’re gonna get but it won’t end well πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I’m known for dragging people and if I can’t with my hands I definitely will with my words. So I took it upon myself to show my whole Facebook who she was and tell them how she came for my child. She’s not very pretty. The picture I chose her makeup was horrid. She was wearing this cheap knock off fashion nova wannabe outfit and it didn’t make her look flattering. She had rolls popping out her crop top . Y’all know my friends had a field day with that one. Do I regret what I did no 🀷🏾‍♀️. I lost a friend from it because the father was upset. He’s terrified of her and she walks all over him and disrespects him but that’s not me and if you come for a child you get what’s coming to you every time and if I was in a hour radius of her I would’ve been outside her job sitting on the hood of my waiting until the end of her shift to bounce her head off the pavement. Yeah it sucks to lose a friend but like I told him I’m gonna go hard for my child and if he’s my friend instead of being terrified of her he’d get his shit together and start correcting her because it’s folks out here that will (Nipsey Hussle voice) test yo jaw about their respect. Anyways after me and my ex-friend went at it I let him know I couldn’t rock with him cause condoning that or sticking up for that is flaw to me especially when I defend him all the time when she telling the world he’s a deadbeat but in the end I think this was a lesson that everyone ain’t as solid or tough as me cause y’all know me wrong is wrong period and if you wrong I’m gonna let you get what you deserve shit ain’t no Captain Save A Hoe over here. However at the end of the day I wish the child in their situation the best because no one deserves to grow up in a toxic situation at all. I also wish my ex-friend the best but umm as for the female she’ll forever be on my shit list and if I see her well....y’all know 🀷🏾‍♀️🀷🏾‍♀️🀷🏾‍♀️

Six dates and a wedding

So remember when I told y’all I was wilding out after my divorce? Well 2015 to 2017 were some really wild but very fun times in my life. Th...