Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Therapy!

So I know there is this negative stigma about going to therapy and mental illnesses. However, I really feel like it's beneficial to go to therapy for everyone ESPECIALLY those of us in the African American community. After an amazing therapy session with my therapist yesterday I figured I would share how therapy has helped me and hopefully encourage those who have issues to really seek a therapist and really get some healing. Now don't get it twisted when you go to therapy you need to be honest and transparent. I know some folks who go to therapy and still have nasty  attitudes and horrible spirits because they go in and play the victim. That once was me to be honest. However, everyone else is not always the problem. Sometimes you can be your own worse enemy. In this passage I'm really about to admit somethings that I've never publicly came out and said but I know a lot of women and men  who struggle with these issues and like I said before I'm really just trying to spread some light and encourage healing. So growing up in the South whenever we have an issue we're told go to church and try Jesus. I'm telling y'all  now to stop spreading that message. I do believe in God and a higher power but there's more to getting out of your struggles than going to church and praying. We still have to be proactive. Think of it like this would you go to church and just pray for your rent to get paid or are you gonna actually go to work and get money to pay your rent. Most likely the latter and you're gonna pray to maintain that job or obtain a better financial blessing in the midst of it. So around 2015 my marriage was ending. During my marriage I suffered A LOT. I went through physical abuse, infidelity, emotional abuse, and shit financial strains as well. Following my southern upbringing I thought going to church and praying would fix all that. It didn't and that eventually led to me and my ex-husband to a divorce. The church I went to condemned  me for it. They were nice people but their answer to my marital struggles were to stay and pray it out. Even after they looked at me different for now being a single mom.....so obviously that offered me no solace. Towards the ending of my marriage my ex-husband and I had a terrible physical altercation. Usually he would but hands on me. Either he would leave or I would, flowers would be bought or some type of romantic dinner would be planned. This time though it went above and beyond and both me and my neighbors called the cops. We got in a heated argument, which led to him putting his hands on me, which led to him putting a loaded gun to my head.....with my child in my arms. The reason he did this was because after the fight this time I decided to leave for good. I called one of my closest friends and told him me and Harmony were coming to crash on his couch. He told me come on so I packed my shit and tried to leave. Hearing the commotion the neighbors called 911 and as he was walking back and forth putting the gun to my head and then removing it to pace back and forth I had the opportunity to dial 911. The police came and he ended up arrested. Because he was in the military and a child was involved they immediately enrolled us in a family advocacy program so they could thoroughly investigate the situation and I could speak out. First of all at 21 I was a gah damn idiot because I dropped the charges and forgave him but that's a story for another day. However when I spoke to everyone involved in the FAP program they suggested I go to therapy. That's how I met my first therapist. Ms. MF'n TAMMI. Listen I owe this woman my life if it weren't for her I wouldn't be sitting here right now. After that situation I found out my ex-husband also had another child on the way and I had suffered a miscarriage. After that I was pretty much done. In those therapy sessions Tammi gave me the strength to leave. All this shit I'm spilling to y'all has never really been told before and the only person I could share this with was Tammi. She was my therapist from 2015 until about 2017. I saw her every two weeks for about an hour and a half. She told me when I was wrong when I was being stupid she made me look deeper withing myself and address issues I never thought affected me like PTSD, my sex assault, my chronic depression. I was still angry and held so much resentment but with each session I felt lighter and lighter. During that dark year I would be at work smiling and laughing being seemingly normal but would come home and could do nothing. All while having a daughter under the age of one.   It would be nights when I wanted to kill myself and I'd have to call Tammi at home to talk me off a ledge. Tammi encouraged me to be fearless and sis was the one who told me to go into my hoe phase and let loose and have fun. When I spoke to members of my family I got crazy backlash and opinions but therapy works. Nothing addresses your issues like an unbiased expert. I was a young 20 something black female from the south, Tammi was an 50 something white lady from the pacific northwest yet she helped me beyond what I can even describe. The next time I got with a therapist was October 2018. I had just got here to Georgia and this place was stressing me out lord. The vibe and the people here were just different. Washington nor Korea hit like this place. Not only that but I was dealing with hitting the ground running after just literally watching my stepfather die on Facetime that summer and my daughters separation anxiety from me being in Korea for a year. I was overwhelmed getting back into the swing of things. Mr. Brooks is another angel. Yet again someone who is nothing like me. He's a middle aged white man who's big on Christianity. Yet he makes me see these positive reinforcements I can make in my life everyday. Yesterday he mentioned to me how much growth he's seen in me since we first started. He was the one who made me took a hard look at myself and see that I'm not a victim. Since being his patient my whole peaceful transition has been thanks to him. So yeah y'all need to send him a Christmas card cause a lot of y'all got saved from a nice cussing out and ass whooping cause of him. If y'all notice my usual snappy tongue the tongue that has made grown men cry has been replaced with me leaving toxic situations in order to maintain my peace. Lately I've been in this zen state and to even further that my therapist put me on to books and podcasts relating and further explaining what I'm going through and all my many different transitions. So yes my loves I am all for Therapy and I encourage everyone to go. Stop thinking that running to an alter and having someone put their hand on your head is gonna miraculously cure your issues within yourself (not saying church is bad so y'all don't get offended) and for my Army folks especially stop getting off every weekend and getting sloppy and pissy drunk to solve your problems or pretend shit is easy. Get real help and really reinvent yourself I promise you that's the way and like I said before when you're in therapy please don't go in as a victim really take the time to see yourself and your issues from all aspects because we all have something toxic within us and the only way to rid it is by addressing it. Love you all.......Asia J.

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